blessings blessings blessings

As many of you know, I have been on a quest to find a second job as fast as I can in order to make my payments for the next couple months. In interviewed with a massage place and that didn't seem like it was going to work and finally, out of desperation, I applied for a customer support position. Its a full time job in a call center which basically means I'd be soulless (thank you for the term, matt) but I would be able to pay my bills. Well, I went to the interview and got offered the job but they wanted me to work sundays. So I turned them down. But the next day, they called me back and said that the manager (who I talked to before my interview without knowing who he was) wanted them to hire me and they'd make an exception for sundays for me. So I got the job AND I don't have to work sundays! well two hours after that phone call, the massage people called me back and said-hey, we really want you to come join our office. Be at our meeting next thursday. Woah. And just to fill you in on this place, Its an office that is run by this guy that developed his own massage modality. So you pay him $1500 to learn his method, pay rent to work in his office, but then you take home most of what you make working on clients. So its a great opportunity, It just costs a bit. Also, Christie is trying to train me to be a piano teacher (if I ever get time to practice and work on it) and of course with being in a professional bagpipe band and stuff going on with matt, It just feels like everthing is happenning to me at once! But, like matt said, I just need to have faith and everything will work out.

When did I get here?

I've been thinking recently here and there how much I have changed in the last few years. I remember being a shy, quiet ten-year-old who played with stuffed animals and like to pretend she was a horse or cat with her friends and colored with crayons and always kept her hair in a tight pony tail. At that age, my brothers were starting to drive and go on dates. It seemed it would be an eternity before I reached that monumental point in my life. The thought of even speaking to members of the opposite sex who were not related to me was horrendous and wierd. I used to be very quiet. I kept to myself and didn't talk much about what I thought or did. I was content to observe others; to listen to conversations but rarely join in unless asked and then give an embarrassed short answer. Now, years later I am at that unreachable age. The one I thought would never come- and where is it going?? Where once, as a child, time seemed to creep along- now it rushes past me and I hardly have time to glimpse a picture of my own life before its in the past. Now I drive to work everyday like its the most common thing in the world- which it is. how strange. I've graduated from high school and a trade college. I am no longer the quiet, reserved girl I used to be. I talk about the details of my life like handing out candy at a parade- candy that before I would have kept close and never let anyone know I had. I think I could now be considered "outgoing"- A concept that before was strange and foreign to me. I am becoming somewhat practiced at "juggling boys" as Ashley would say- although I seem to be dropping them more than juggling them at this point. Looking back, I'm not sure when these changes took place. Some of them I like and some of them I don't. I'm just not sure when I got here.

The Depths of Despair

Adam, you know when you always tell me that your blunt honesty gets you into trouble? I'm experiencing one of those moments. In my last post I wrote something about someone that was honest but not very nice. I've deleted that part of the post now but the damage is done. The person about whom the post was written already read it. I feel like Anne Shirley. I'm in the depths of despair wondering if he will ever forgive me and how on earth I can ever make things right again. I value his friendship and now i'm not sure if I have it anymore. He was a better friend to me than I ever was to him. To you, (and you know who you are if you are reading this) I am more sorry than I can say. I don't know how to make it right but if you have any ideas, please tell me.